MiniMeitz

If you think you're alone, then your eyes must be closed.

2012-01-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things happen when you least expect them.

Shortly after our trip to Vegas in the weeks that followed our new year, Bryson and I went grocery shopping. Feeling more like a mother than ever I snaked my baby, bundled from head to toe, out of his seat and propped him onto my hip. With my free arm I slung my big daddy Coach onto my shoulder and scooped up the cart cover. With baby, bag and bind we headed toward the door.

Inside we found comfort in the warmth of the Family Fare. The bitter wind was trapped behind the automatic doors and Bryson watched it as he peaked over my shoulder. I reached the cart corale and began slinging the cover over the seat. My 28 pound baby slowly slid through the harness that my elbow and forearm created until he was up to his armpits in mommy... My free arm, juggling an oversized bag, continued to struggle with the cart and the cover. I was arm wrestling a weak opponent that was retreating forcing me to back it into a corner.

From the noise behind us appeared a friendly voice. A sweet women approached me insisting to help. As her husband stood solid waiting patiently for his wife to contribute to the greater good, she offered a kind smile and I stood surprised and speechless. I didn't know people like this existed outside of my small hometown of Montague. I thought to myself, "you are helping a stranger..." She straightened the barrier that protects my son from the germs living and breeding on the cart and she guided his legs into the holes as it swallowed him up. I looked her in the eye and said "Thank you!" Her husband smiled, assuring me this wasn't the first time she had halted their mission to help another. And they disappeared into the aisles of produce, products and people.

That moment stayed with me for days and weeks. I still carry it with me now, hoping that I can somehow pay it forward. It seems so simple, help a stranger, but I was disappointed that I couldn't remember the last time I had offered my support or assistance.

If we don't help each other... who will?

All in a Days Work

2011-12-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

Is it possible for someone to change throughout the day, has my sweet little boy been growing right before my eyes? Sometimes I will gather Bryson up from his bed and after a long nap wonder if he has grown in the last hour. I will look at him standing in front of me, his hands bursting with curiousity, his mind absorbing every inch of his world and I think, "I am sure you were not this way this morning."

It is inconceivable how much he has learned in the past month. In the short time it has taken winter to creep up on fall, a little boy now lives in the room where there was once a baby. Now, when I ask, "Are you hungry?" he responds excitedly, "ungy!" and rushes to his chair. We will be mid-activity and the urge to snack will strike him, looking to me he begs, "ish?" and I know the only thing that will solve the crisis are some goldfish. More important then Bryson's ability to communicate, is his new capacity to convey emotion. While it is accompanied with tantrums, frustrations and even anger, there is nothing that can replace the feeling of tiny arms unexpectedly wrapping around you. In a moment of sitting on the floor tying my shoes, little fingers will sneak up on me, stretching as far as they can, they pull at me and then the warmth of a snuggling face is lieing on my back. "I love you too Bryson," and off he runs. Amongst his busy day of learning and changing, at least he has a moment to remind me...

When did Bryson become thoughtful? Who taught him how to share? These are things I contemplate every day. There have been times that I look at the little human before me and think, "Who are you?" He is a perfectionist, he is sweet and caring, stubborn, vocal and not afraid to tell you how he feels and what he thinks. He would give you his blanket, his drink and even the food off of his plate, but he will not accept your help, he would rather do it on his own. I am grateful to have the ability to influence who you are, but in the past year I have learned that who you will be has already been determined.

Our Life Began With Y-O-U

2011-07-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

I am not very good at documenting Bryson's milestones. I have a 'fill in the blank' book that does most of the work for me and I did not get very far. Because I don't want to lose Bryson's childhood, I started a journal for him. A book written to him, a keepsake with his mommy as the author. It gives me the opportunity to not only record important events, but tell him all my thoughts and feelings about it. This is the most recent entry:

Sunday, July 3 2011
Bryson Goes to the E.R.

It all started on Tuesday. You woke up at around 10:45pm crying. I went in to give you a pacifier but you did not want me to leave. You reached your arms up grabbing for my elbows, shirt and arms, anything your little hands could grasp, all the while crying harder and harder. I picked you up and held you for a few minutes. You slowly began to calm down and eventually fell back asleep. I have no idea whas was bothering you. I always assume that you must be teething, but since you have yet to pop a little tooth, I didn't let myself blame the old standby.

This continued, Wednesday you woke up several times, each time crying hysterically and needing me to snuggle you back to sleep. On Thursday night I decided I wasn't going to give in to your crying so easily. When I went in your room is when you would really start to lose it. So at 10:30pm when you woke up, I stayed in bed and resisted the urge to rescue my baby. It only took about 7 minutes and you gave up and went back to sleep. I thought, "that little con was just wanting some attention the entire time!" You didn't wake up again and slept through the night.

I was prepared for the same strategy on Friday night. Your dad had the day off so I warned him about your wake up routine. 9:45pm rolled around and you woke yourself with a little cough and began to cry. I watched you on the video monitor as you pulled yourself to your feet, hanging onto the edge of the crib. And then you began to heave. You would let out a cry and seemingly struggle to breathe back in. Your father and I were both immediately concerned. As you continued to cry the breath continued to escape you. You struggled to find it and that only made you cry more.

So like the night of your delivery, we climbed into the Focus, this time with a baby boy strapped into his carseat, and we rushed to downtown Grand Rapids. As we pulled into the Emergency driveway of the Helen DeVos Children's Hospital I though of how beautiful and great the brand new facility was, but how I never wanted to be utilizing it's resources. We walked in together, alone, us two, as your dad parked the car. We were greeted by a nice young man who suggested that you might be having an allergic reaction. I assured him you were not, because I had made that mistake before after an intense B-Man crying session. He didn't stay with us long, he whisked away with a tiny baby and her mother. They suspected the little princess had chicken pox. The triage nurse asked us several questions and before you even coughed she thought you might have croup/whooping cough. That made me nervous but she assured me that croup was easy to treat.

Your father joined us and together we waited in the E.R. of the Children's Hospital. We waited as a teenage boy with a clearly broken wrist was called back behind the double doors. Another young family came in with a sweet little girl that could not have been older than 4 months. A couple rushed in, the women in tears, asking to see someone. My heart broke for them.

Finally, they called for a Bryson. At this point you had stopped crying and were relatively calm. You became the adorable boy we know when the nurse came in. I was impressed by how she addressed you. Happy, excited, upbeat, as if you were the first cute little boy she had seen all night. She checked your vitals, everything looked good and we moved on to more waiting. When they had a room for you we were shuffled out of triage and into the hospital. We got to put you in a little hospital gown that said, "tired little tiger," all over it. It had cute cartoon orange tigers scattered across it. You were not our tired little tiger. After they verified your name birthdate and our insurance
Antecdote: My insurance at work had just changed to Blue Cross Blue Shield. It became effective July 1st. The day it became effective we got to test it out by going to the E.R.
they brought you a blue slushy in a sippy cup. They asked if we thought you would drink it and explained that it would help soothe your throat. You sucked that thing down so fast! They could'nt believe you drank the whole thing.

You then became a wild little B-Man. You were literally bouncing off the walls, having the time of your life. Every nurse that came in you flirted with. You were laughing, playing and climbing all over your father and I. The resident came in (he was fabulous) and confirmed what the triage nurse had told us an hour before. It was croup. The good news was you were breathing fine, there was plenty of oxygen going through your lungs. Croup has an awful sound, but it is really just laryngitis for babies. They gave you an oral steroid and we got to go home.

Before Friday I never thought there was such a thing as a good trip to the E.R., but this was something like that. It didn't take long, everyone was amazing and it was good we went in. It wasn't a waste. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the couple that rushed in crying, or for the families on the floors that tower over Michigan Street. I felt almost guilty that we were able to leave, smiling, clutching the most important thing in our lives....

YOU

Energizer Bunny Arrested, Charged with Battery

2011-03-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am the most hilarious person in the world with Bryson as my audience. All I have to do is whip up a round of Monkey See, Monkey Do and he can't get enough. Who knew I was such a talented comedian. I have struck out a few times. Itsy Bitsy Spider was a bust, I can't blame him, I'm not a fan of spiders either. He really likes when you spontaneously brake out into song, I don't mind if I do....

B-B is for the biggest boy ever
R-R is for the reason I'm alive
Y-Why? Because I love you so much
S-S because your so stinkin shy
O-O oh my gosh I love you so much
N-N your such a naughty little guy

Right now his world is like a Disney movie. I narrate what we are doing, sing ridiculous songs, everything is larger than life. If someone behaved with me the way I do with Big B, I would send them straight to a padded room. Good thing his means of communication are crazy squeals of delight and exaggerated sighs. Nobody knows that he is telling them his mother has lost her mind.

And Then There Were 5

2011-02-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

Bryson will be turning 4 months old this weekend. It could not be more cliche to say that it goes by fast. It does, I feel like he just got here.

My heart feels so full when I close my eyes and picture my family. We were so happy the way things were. But as I sit here listening to the quiet fuzz of a monitor, I don't know how I ever lived without him.

In the beginning it was hard. To be honest, hard doesn't even begin to describe it. Your entire life is changed in a day. Your time, your feelings and your world is no longer your own. It is taken over by someone you barely even know. For two weeks I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions. I would cry each night as I took a shower and I had so much anxiety about getting enough sleep to survive. But the long days became easier and the time between nightly feedings began to stretch. And like the soft glow of a light in the darkness of night, the switch was flipped. He slept for 9 hours straight and the anxiety was gone.

I can barely remember those days now. When I think of my sweet little boy I see his smile and feel his personality. He loves life. He will often smile so big, with his mouth open wide as if any minute he will let out the biggest laugh you have ever heard. Even though silence is behind that smile, it still fills the room with joy. It is pure happiness, the way life should be.

He changes more and more each day. He has a hard time sitting still and is loud and talkative, a lot like his mom. I am thankful he has his father's laid back character. In those first couple of months, there was a spot in his bedroom that he would stare off into. There was nothing in his line of vision close enough for him to distinguish. He would be so content to watch the space between his changing table and the wall. I know that we were never standing there alone. I like to think that now when I can here him blabbing in the other room he is his talking to his great grandpas. He has so much to say and I know what great listeners they were.

I am grateful for the life, love and warmth in my home everyday. There is so much 'want,' in our lives that it is hard to appreciate our daily blessings. In this moment there is nothing more I could ask for.

A Letter from Mommy

2010-09-15T17:14:00.000-07:00

To my baby boy,

I have been anticipating your arrival for the past 35 weeks. Every day I imagine who you will be and what you will become. I wonder if you will have your father's eyes and freckles, or look more like me. I hope you receive the best of both of our personalities; outgoing, free-spirited and faithful like me. Hardworking, calm and loyal like your dad.

Know that I will love you no matter what. I will always be here to support you in every way possible. For 8 months I have carried you, loved you and protected you. I will continue to do that for the rest of your life.

Be honest, see the good in all people and keep your eye on the prize. There is nothing more important than how you treat people.

with all of my love,
Always,
Mom <3

Building Something from Nothing

2010-08-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe we only have 10 more weeks before we meet our little Dyno-Meitz. It has been wonderful so far. It is still very difficult to imagine that there is a tiny person growing inside me. I like to believe he will be just like my husband. Jeffrey is an incredible human and even though God intends for two people to come together in order to share their genes, I would be really happy if the only genes he got were from my husband. I can't wait to meet him so I can encourage him, support him and love him the way Jeffrey has always done for me.

Jeffrey and I are both blessed with truly fantastic parents. A majority of individuals have the fear of turning into their parents, I have the fear that I won't be like the parents that I am lucky enough to have. I hope I can live up to their unmatchable standards.

It really feels like yesterday when we were all playing the game of Life (yes, we were literally playing the game of Life), when we spilled the beans (we did not however, play Spill The Beans). Things have been going by so fast! I think we are reaching that point where it is starting to slow down though and I really feel like these last couple of months are going to drag on and on.

We have almost finished Dyno's room. We started with a blank slate and now it is painted and the floors are in. We still have to put in a new window and the trim, and by we I mean Jeffrey. I'm so lucky to have such a handy-man husband.

I recently gave myself the gift of "The Busy Mom's Bible." I have been reading weekly lessons and versus (I love it and highly recommend it). The first verse I studied was Genesis 1:1, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." I was then asked to reflect and pray about what it means, "think of something you have been involved in creating," my book suggests, "How do you feel about it? So what do you think God feels about you?" It is a neat perspective especially during a time when Jeffrey and I are waiting for the new life we have created. We love our son unconditionally and we haven't even met! It is the same love our parents have showed us. It is also the same love that God feels each day, the love I'm sure he felt when we were brought together, the love we feel for each other, and the love our family and friends will soon show our son.

I spend a lot of my time as a dreamer. I have always had a faith and trust that things will just work out. I don't think that has always been the best approach, and luckily Jeffrey is very grounded, analytical and keeps me in reality. The process of bringing a life into this world is very much like a dream though and I am thankful that God has an inconceivable imagination.

If you do the crime, Unfortunately you have to do the time...

2010-04-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it is time to start spreading the news. I am 12 weeks pregnant! Let me bring you up to speed:

This may come to a surprise to many of you, but after my nephew Emerson visited for Christmas, it was time. On an early Saturday morning in February, Jeffrey and I celebrated a positive pregnancy test. Not before I woke him up by whispering (loudly), "are you awake?" He wasn't. My parents visited that day and of course we couldn't keep it a secret. We told them and Katie Jo before anything was confirmed. Apparently my parents can't keep a secret either. They told Jerry, so I had to tell Eric and so on and so on.... The following week I went to the doctor, who scheduled an ultrasound which confirmed it, we were six weeks pregnant.

Things have been good. At six weeks I felt fantastic, then I started taking prenatal vitamins.Things went downhill from there. I spent the next couple of weeks on the couch. I never threw up, but I wanted to. My new vitamins have made a huge difference though and things are getting much better.

Jeffrey is going to be an amazing dad - something I always knew but has been confirmed by this pregnancy. He is constantly concerned and caring. He wouldn't let me walk on the rocks along the boardwalk in Grand Haven because he wanted to keep our baby safe. (Like me walking on rocks isn't safe... pshh).

I'm still running and feeling great about it, and I plan to run for as long as possible.

Mark your calendars for June 7th. If our little strawberry cooperates, that will be the day we find out the sex of the baby.

In Honor

2010-01-21T14:59:00.000-08:00

I was driving through Lowell today on my way to a meeting. I passed the streets of downtown and found myself in the middle of what appeared to be a parade. The streets were lined with people, huddling together in the cold January air. As I neared the traffic light the crowd grew in size and the people were proudly hoisting American Flags. My breath caught in my throat and I felt awkwardly sad as I realized what I was passing through. "Welcome home Sgt. Lucas T. Beachnaw," their signs seemed so uplifting. A soldier being honored. He died in Afghanistan January 13th.

The reality of what was supposed to be a celebration for a soldier serving his country, a celebration he would be watching from afar, was surreal. I am so thankful for the sacrifices that are made each day by men and women who I will never know. They give up their families, their friends, their holidays, their normalcy and sometimes their lives. I believe in our troops, I believe in our country, however, I don't always believe in the cause. I admire our soldiers and hope that I can keep them in my thoughts and prayers, even when I don't have a constant reminder of what they have forfeited.

Please find time to say thank you.

http://www.letssaythanks.com/sendcard.asp

It is Never Like the Movies

2009-12-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

There are certain scenes from movies that stay with you forever. That you find yourself applying to your own life. You imagine people standing up for you and saying things like, "nobody puts Baby in a corner, nobody." You sometimes wish that people around you would break into song and all know the steps to the same dance. Nothing is ever like it is in the movies. Let me give you an example. My husband is a lot of things; smart, kind, understanding, flexible, caring, hard-working and at times selfless (although he tends to be selfish on a lot of occasions). However, he is not romantic. There are things that he has done in the past that I considered romantic and thoughtful, for example I love poetry, Edgar Allen Poe being my favorite. Jeffrey purchased a poetry book of his works for me. Romantic right? That does not mean a person is romantic for a few acts that required some forethought.

He recently did something that was completely sweet and somewhat romantic. He wrote in the steam filled mirror in the bathroom, "Hi Dear." The bathroom always steams up after a shower, whether the fan is on or not, so he knew at night before I went to bed I would read his message. Things do not end up the way they do in the movies... When I stepped out of the shower, instead of reading, "Hi Dear," the steam and fog blurred some of the letters and all I saw was the word, Dead. Imagine being home alone and pulling back the curtains to see the word Dead sloppily written across your bathroom mirror. Shocked and scared I exclaimed, "what!?" The mirror did not answer. I stepped forward through the hot thick air and looked closely at the words written for me. I laughed when I realized it was my husband's hand writing. He does not want me dead. Upon further inspection I saw the "Hi" lightly written before it. This would never happen in the movies...

What Are Big Sisters For

2009-08-11T19:27:00.001-07:00

I recently was blessed with the experience of working out with my sister. My younger, involved in sports, weighs thirty pounds less then me sister. I was certain that my steady pace and thick thighs would certainly not be "running circles" around her. I am both excited and pleased to tell you I did.

I decided to bring her to Charlie's Dump. Charlies dump is literally a large whole in the ground where the city intended on starting a landfill, but for reasons unknown to me, they never did. So now Charlie's Dump has become a sort of strange park where stay-at-home-moms bring their children to play at the fenced in playground that might as well be covered in bubble wrap and cushions it is so secure and innocent. The bottom of Charlie's Dump has been converted into a soccer field with grass so green you feel sorry for running across it. I forced (which is definitely appropriate considering the amount of apprehension and complaining she did) Katie to jog to Charlie's Dump with me, where we would run down the hill, across the soccer field, up the other side and back. This we did numerous times keeping a steady pace and I began to feel confident that she wouldn't be able to keep up with me during the run I had planned for later.

We finished our work out at Charlies Dump and started our run. I would like to point out that I had intended on running 2 miles of my 3.3 mile loop, however things were not going well. She kept asking how much farther, and then wanted to walk! I dramatically slowed our pace and adjusted our 2 miles down to 1. But, as we passed the half-way point she was really struggling and insisted she felt like she was going to puke. I can not tell you how many times I have heard others complain of feeling the need to puke during or after a work out. Never in any of these times have I actually witnessed someone throwing up. So naturally I ignored her. I could tell she was not going to make it much farther, so I pointed to a tree and told her we would walk when we reached it (about 400 yards short of 1 mile). She immediately started sprinting, I thought oh my, that little liar, she had plenty of energy to finish out the mile. She reached the pine tree, slumped over and started heaving and gagging. "Keep walking," I suggested. She walked, coughed, leaned over and threw up in the center of someones driveway. I was shocked! I said "uh, are you ok?" My sister later told me that while she was throwing up on the busy Rosewood Drive, as I stood guard, she thought, "Throwing up isn't as bad as I thought." How wonderful.

I did feel bad, and reconsidered my 'conditioning' choices, but when my mother posted "my poor baby," on my facebook wall, I did not feel so remorseful, in fact I reflected and decided maybe it was good for her.

20 Things That Make Me, Me.

2009-07-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

1. I love older brothers - They toughened me up and prepared me for life. I feel an extra sort of protection knowing I have two older brothers on my side

2. I love little sisters - One of my favorite memories is of the morning of my wedding. It was just my sister and I. We woke up early and I could not even eat my Frosted Mini-Wheats I was so excited. We got our hair done and 'jammed' all the way to Montague. I would not have wanted to spend those moments with anyone else.

3. I think that if people believed in marriage as much as they believe in 'global warming,' they would try a lot harder to work through their problems and there wouldn't be so many broken families.

4. I can be extremely passionate about animals - When Jeffrey and I were driving home from Florida (in separate cars) there was a Boxer running around in the median. I called Jeffrey crying, certain we should stop to save him (which was not possible on the busy Kentucky freeway). My amazing husband will insist to this day that he made it home safely.

5. I wish that I had a stronger relationship with God.

6. I want to start a charity someday - It will allow people to donate blankets to those in need in West Michigan. I will hold charity events where members of the community can get together and make fleece blankets to donate.

7. I can be really emotional.

8. I really like lists. (Can't you tell?)

9. After officially moving in with Jeffrey I would get homesick a lot and miss my family. I would remind him of this often.

10. I am certain my grandpa Chorny is the reason the street lights flicker on and off as I drive by.

11. I love the type of close relationship I have with my two best friends - we can go months without really talking and then get together and its as if we never missed a beat.

12. I talk to my dog - Jeffrey claims I have turned him into a girl.

13. I still have my geekee - my baby blanket! (It used to be Jerry's) my mom tried to take it away from me once. I cried for hours because I thought I had lost it. When my dad came in to check on me I said amongst my tears that "I lost my geekee." He stormed out of the room, yelled at my mom, forcing her to give it back to me. I will never let it go.

15. I like the dentist.

16. I can usually remember the lyrics to just about any song (as long as I like it).

17. I don't swear - and it wouldn't sound natural if I tried.

18. I hope that I have inherited all of my dad's best qualities - especially how he can see the good in anyone.

19. I think the best feeling is knowing that I have made a complete strangers day.

20. I like to be 15 minutes early for everything - Jeffrey says I like to be 15 minutes early for being 15 minutes early.

L is for the way you Look at me.

2009-06-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

My one year wedding anniversary is approaching this weekend. So I think it is important to share all the reasons our relationship works.

1. I don't get sick of him, even after spending every waking moment (and sleeping for that matter) I never get tired of his company or run out of things to talk about.

2. I can trust that if I fall asleep with my glasses on, he will take them off and put them on my nightstand.

3. He remembers to charge my cell-phone after I have forgotten to plug it in.

4. He thinks I am smart, despite the things I say sometimes (example: "look at that plane, it's flying!").

5. He allows me to buy more books even though I could go to the library because he just understands me.

6. He doesn't make fun of me for walking down the stairs backwards at night, so I don't have to look out the window.

7. He never yells at me for insisting on watching scary movies while I'm home alone, even though we both know I will end up frightened and snuggling with Lance.

8. He never questions my fear of aliens.

9. I have successfully brought him over to the 'country' side of life (so much so that he even likes country music now!)

10. We have been together for over 7 years, and sometimes I feel like we met just yesterday. Time flies when you are in love.

I know that because I have found Jeffrey that there must be such a thing as soul mates. How do you explain two people that fit together so perfectly. That met and were complete opposites but still managed to fall in love. God created Jeffrey to fill in all the qualities I do not have....and then some.

Grab the Bull by The Horns

2009-06-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot to tell you. Something wonderful happened over the weekend. I road a mechanical bull!

It was certainly peer pressure that got me there in the first place. But I was extremely proud to be putting the valuable bull-riding information that my father had taught me to good use. I approached the young man who was at the controls, prepared to step into the ring. I signed a waiver, that I never even read, and pleaded my case. "I'm really nervous," I explained, hoping he would take it a little easy on me. "It's no big deal," he assured. It wasn't comforting to hear from someone who sees nervous girls like me every night. As I neared the monster it looked surprisingly authentic. It reminded me of all the bulls I have seen behind the comfort of a fence clutching tight to my father's or Uncle Herman's hand. (Yes, I do have an Uncle Herman). I stood there, and was also reminded that the bull is almost always in a separate pen, secluded from socializing even with members of his own family and only until now did it really make sense to me. Because when coming face to face with a bull you either ran for the fences, or you shut up, sit down and hold on. So that's what I did. I used the information my father had taught me, that I never thought I would need to use. Strapping in my left hand, being sure to scooch so close to it that any closer and I would be sitting on my hand. Reaching my left arm high and pressing my heels into the machines sides. I was tempted to even say "get outside bull!" but I didn't really think it was necessary. I wish I could tell you how long I stayed on, but I have no idea, definitely longer than I expected. It was a lot easier than I imgained, and I loved every liberating second of it.

Step 1: Admit You Have a Problem

2009-05-28T12:36:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I like to read, but it has never been like this before. I just finished reading three books, and it took me about 2 and a half weeks. I think that with everything I have been contemplating as I try to determine the path to my future, it just seems so wonderful to get lost in someone else's problems. Deciding whether or not to go back to school is so trivial compared to being on trial for the murder of your girlfriend (while being completely unsure if you did or did not actually do it). After I finish one book, I just had to have another. It has now become an addiction. My husband reasoned with me, he suggested that I re-read one of my books, or that I borrow a book or even go to the library. These things I took into consideration, so I began to read a book I have, but I just couldn't get into it. I didn't like how old and dusty the book looked and as I read it was all too familiar. I could already picture the scenes, the setting, the people. It just seemed boring. I don't even know where the nearest library is, and the complications that come with getting a library card and worrying about late fees made me feel nervous and uncertain. There are always adventures I am willing to take, but exploring the unknown of a new library is apparently not one of them. So, as I went to Meijer to pick up my husbands prescription I stumbled across the books. I only intended to stroll down the aisle averting the urge to pick any up when I reached an entire section of Jodi Picoult books, several of which I had not read before. I couldn't resist. I examined the new crisp covers that had not been creased from the inner pages being held open for hours. I read the quotes exclaiming each book as "extraodinary," "breathless," some even expressed "I couldn't put the book down." How could I refuse to buy one! Afterall, they were all "riveting." At first I couldn't avoid the aisle and now I stand with crazy in my eyes and four books in my hand trying not to defy my husband. Insisting he wouldn't mind if I bought just one. I was wrong however, he would mind, and I think he is staging an intervention.

The Dance of Summer

2009-05-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

It was a gorgeous day for a walk. Lance and I were able to enjoy a warm summer-like day with cool breezes flowing in from the west. These are the types of walks that collect your thoughts and whisk you away to a whimsical land of imagination and day-dreaming. Even Lance got caught up in it. The cool wind swirled around him, lifting his soft floppy ears into the summer air. They danced in the small gusts giving the illusion that any moment he may take flight. I could see him take it all in, he lifted his head high, closing his eyes, slowing his pace, he let the warmth of summer envelope him. He looked free, as if suddenly there was no harness draped around him, there was no leash guiding and directing his every movement. Those are the moments Lance lives for. When the heat of the summer day is broken by the soft song of a breeze. It beat against us keeping time with our pace, just when we could no longer bare the intensity of the sun it joined us and spread beyond our reach. Playing in the neighborhood amongst the long grass emerging at the edge of the yards as waves collapsing on a shoreline. The ballet of nature bonds us, Lance looked up at me, his eyes smiling, begging to walk just a little while longer. So we did.

Testing My Patience and Taking Me in New Directions

2009-05-11T17:22:00.001-07:00

Lance has intense curiosity when it comes to things out of the ordinary. Sometimes he becomes so consumed he forgets he is supposed to be enjoying his walk, or sometimes he continues walking but is so fascinated he doesn't watch where he is going. I shall give you some examples.

1. He can't resist the carts that parents pull behind their bikes. He is not aware that kids ride in these. And normally he is terrified of bikes (the wheels are petrifying). He will stop, he gets tense, the curiosity pulls him toward the typically dangerous bike and I am certain he expects a dog to leap out at him. This happens every time without fail.

2. Large objects that are not usually there deserve a lot of attention. Today, he was drawn to a large mound of planting soil in a neighbors driveway. As we walked by he stopped and gazed. I could practically see the wheels spinning as he tried to determine its level of risk. After becoming a little more certain that the soil posed no threat he still wasn't satisfied. He looked up at me as if asking, why would they put it there? I explained to him that they would be using the soil and we could check on it next time we went for a walk. He seemed reassured and moved on.

3. He loses focus at all new smells. This makes things difficult because I can not foresee these. The smells are intoxicating and quickly stop him, stretching every muscle in my arm. I try to pull is 100 pound frame, enticing him to continue but he stands his ground, digging his paws into the dirt. His nose sucks to the blade of grass, the bush, or the fence post and he smells the area as if the police have given him the scent and he has found the trail. I realize this is his instinct, but really Lance?!?

4. His captivation with the unknown is especially apparent when he tries to guide me down new roads and pull me in different directions. We take the same route every time we walk, but he can't help but encourage me to try new paths. I'm sure he enjoys the variety but a new direction means more things to distract him which is not a part of our walking agreement. He has been trying this more and more lately and I have come to expect, at three different intersections, Lance will try to take me down a different road.

Hallelujah

2009-05-06T07:24:00.001-07:00

Why is it that I always believe that one day I will wake up and my curly brown hair will magically be straight? I also imagine that it will be thin with natural blond highlights. This is a curious fantasy, because to my knowledge my straightening iron does not have magical powers. But even so, sometimes after I have straightened it, and haven't washed it for a couple days (savoring every straight second) I stand in the shower running conditioner through the long strands and I get this feeling. My mind considers, and then I proceed to accept as true, that because my hair was so straight for so long (wow, two days) that this time it just isn't going back. I brush my hands through the thick layers trying to feel the curls, and they aren't there! It's a miracle!

I jump from the shower (not literally because that would be dangerous. My greatest fear is to slip in the shower and knock myself out and then everyone has to rush to the rescue as I lie there, no doubt in an unattractively awkward position, naked.) I squeeze the water from my hair, wrap a towel around it and proceed to get dressed. I hurry because the excitement from the phenomenon I am about to witness is almost too much to bare. I stand before my reflection, feeling the light of God shining down on me (or it could just be the vanity) and I pull the towel from my glistening hair. Everything is quiet and dull as I stare at curly brown hair. Oh, its you. I was certain that this was it.

Excessive Job Searching is Bad for the Soul

2009-05-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

Searching for a job has become my full-time job. Of all the jobs I have ever had, this one has to be my least favorite. It is challenging, which is something that I have enjoyed about previous places of employment, but that is where the similarities end. It is tedious, boring and monotonous.

I have a notepad where I keep my job search organized, keeping track of those I have applied to, highlighting those that are "pursuing other candidates," and again highlighting those that contact me. I have written on this notepad various job search engines and locations to continue searching at, I also have goals and objectives. The writing, the organizing even the preparing I have enjoyed. These are things I am good at. I like making lists, I really like using notebooks and I especially like highlighting things. With all of this you think I would be equipped for success, but if you do think this you would be thinking wrong. Those are things that I enjoy, but I do not enjoy searching for a job. I have become trapped in the world of internet applying. My word documents are flooded with countless resumes and cover letters that have been altered to fit the jobs I have applied for. Where will it end!?! I believe it is time to admit things have gone terribly wrong when I look forward to my mailbox being full of "pursuing other candidates," e-mails so I can get out my notebook and blue highlighter and go crazy.

Things aren't completely hopeless. I have 2.5 yellow highlights amongst the pages of blue (blue = sad, yellow = bight and happy) the .5 comes from a person that has contacted me for additional information but has not extended an interview invitation. (I shall make a note in my notebook to follow-up with him, maybe I should highlight follow-ups to my follow-ups in green). I know that I should be 'hitting the pavement.' I should go door to door with my shining personality and wow the business men and women of Grand Rapids to a point where they offer me jobs they don't even have available. At least that is how the experts on Good Morning America have described it. I would also like to mention that the experts on Good Morning America have a job and probably haven't had to job search for the past 10 years, and when they were job searching, the market wasn't saturated with bachelor's degrees and the unemployed professionals with 5+ years experience. I believe the job search experts are the people spending months looking for a job. I am not one of those job search experts, but at this point I think I am an expert at To-Do Lists and Highlighting. Perhaps these are things I should add to my resume?

A Dog's Life

2009-05-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

Lance got to spend time with most of his pack this weekend. He even met a new friend, a Boxer puppy named Tyson. I'm still not sure how he felt about Tyson but I know they will be great friends once he matures a little. He misses his cousin Jake, but in time he will be here too.

I think we can learn a lot from how a dog socializes. They are very unique in their befriending tactics. They smell each other's tushies, what that tells them, I don't know. They certainly don't judge others by what's on the outside. They establish dominance early, there has to be a leader in every relationship right? They play rough, so they remain in control and are always sure to get their point across. They know when they are outnumbered and they don't try to push their luck. They are always quick to gang up on the weak. I think they are aware that they are only as strong as their weakest member. They like to show off, especially around dogs they haven't met before. They have self-confidence. When boys get together, they mark their territory until there is nothing left to mark it with. They know what is theirs and they take ownership of it. Why can't we all establish our relationships with such certainty? If we surround ourselves with people that compliment us and have so much loyalty that we would protect our pack against anyone, I think things would work out nicely.

Fancy That

2009-04-27T12:00:00.001-07:00

There are some television shows that I secretly find irresistible. Let me list them for you.

1. 7th Heaven - It comes on at 9am every morning and even though I have seen every episode, I can't wait to see what the Camden kids get into next.

2. Gilmore Girls - I so badly want to live in Stars Hollow

3. 48 Hours - It is CSI but with real people. They have marathons that draw me in and I end up watching it all day.

4. Doctor G Medical Examiner - It is so educational, I'm ready to go work at a morgue.

5. GREEK - The Family Channel at its best.

6. Paranormal State - I am convinced I am going to start a Paranormal Michigan State. Case #1: the Ada Witch.

7. Ghost Hunters - Is it real, are they frauds? I don't know but I like it.

Submerged

2009-04-26T18:44:00.000-07:00

We have been getting a lot of rain over the past few days. Today we took a drive out to Grand Haven and along the roads, throughout our drive, creeks, streams and drainage ditches were overflowing. The water even tempted to spillover onto the roads. It isn't anything to be too concerned about, but there is one thing that weighs heavy on my mind, the ducks. I am worried about the ducks. The ducks have made their nests for spring, already laying eggs. These ducks normally prepare their nests close to water and with all this rain it creates a problem. The nests are flooded and the eggs float away. What do we have to look forward to if we go to the park in the Spring and don't have baby ducks to feed. Little ducklings to amaze us as they charge, single file, fearless into the world. Following their mothers wherever they go full of competitive spirits. They seem unstoppable, except by mother nature. All it takes is a little rain and they never even got a chance.

The Struggle

2009-04-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

I have been getting back into my routine of running. Today was the first HOT day that I have experienced in a long time. It made my3 mile loop so much harder. You know the feeling when it gets so difficult to breathe. It is like you are running with a Snuggie wrapped around you. It constricts every movement, weighs heavy on your chest and shoulders. It seems impossible to take a deep breathe so to compensate you take quick, short breathes in order to supply your muscles with the oxygen they are yearning for. In reality those breathes you struggle for are taking more energy than they are providing and your body starts playing tricks on you. It tells you to stop, walk a little, take a break, as if you haven't ran this same route a hundred times before. You start thinking short-term, just to that next mail box, after this hill, just to that stop sign. Your muscles, your brain, your entire body wants to give up, but you press on. It is so hot you don't even sweat. Today was that hot, and I loved every second of it.

Victory

2009-04-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

The breakfast smoothie was a success. I did some research and determined that a young lady of my age should be consuming around 1,600 calories a day. Therefore I should take in around 2 servings of fruit daily. A banana (like the one in my smoothie) is 1 serving, in addition to the orange juice and frozen fruit I am at about 3 servings. It feels good to know that I am taking a step in a healthier direction. Now if I could only get vegetables on board.

Anticipation

2009-04-23T15:38:00.000-07:00

We haven't even touched most of our wedding gifts. They sit in a storage unit, still in their original boxes, some even still sealed. We are patiently waiting until we have our new house. Tomorrow, however, I am going to debut the Magic Bullet. This was a gift given to me by Anne at my bridal shower..... I can't wait to use it. I am going to start replacing breakfast cereal with breakfast fruit smoothies. The Magic Bullet is a perfect way. It works in "10 seconds or less," says the box, and I like things that don't take a lot of time to make. So today Jeffrey and I purchased some frozen fruit and orange juice so I can have a smoothie tomorrow morning. I'm pretty sure this will be the first wedding gift (besides some giftcards and cash and the flutes Aunt Monica gave us for the toast) that we will be using. That seems crazy since we are approaching our 1 year anniversary in a couple months. I will be sure to provide an update on how the Magic Bullet does and how the smoothies turn out.

HAPPY EARTH DAY

2009-04-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting weekend. I have been house-sitting, actually dog-sitting, and it feels great to be back home. At first it felt like a vacation, being somewhere new with some nice weather. I welcomed the chance to be around new dogs and in a new house. I took a break from twitter and job hunting and just relaxed. After a couple of days it all got old though. I wanted to sleep in my bed, only have to control my dog and shop at my Family Fare. I really wanted to go for a run because the weather was so fantastic (for a few days anyways) and I felt like I was trapped in the house. On Wednesdays I do laundry, I was really looking forward to it. So here I am, back home. The neighborhood welcomed me back with some extra green grass. Which I think was very appropriate for a day like to today.

A Dog is a Girl's Best Friend

2009-04-14T18:48:00.001-07:00

Lance is getting restless. He was looking forward to taking a walk today or seeing his cousin, Jake. After the exciting Easter weekend he was exhausted. He spent the night with Jeffrey and I at my parents. He went to my g-ma's on Sunday, he got to spend a lot of time with his cousin along with a few other friends. He slept all day Monday and has now recovered and instead of being able to enjoy the outdoors, he was stuck inside with me. It was too cold and far too rainy to be doing anything outside. Poor Lance will have to wait until tomorrow.

Never Broke Her Nose

2009-04-13T17:01:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting how the smell of the outdoors can spark a memory or emotion? Today's crisp cool air reminded me of track season. It even stirs the nervous feelings that are generated before an event. It brought me back to the day one of my best fiends, Kelly, was injured during practice. She played softball during track season and one day during practice a baseball player (I can't recall who) came running over to me during training and in a frenzy informed me that Kelly, "broke her nose" during practice. He had no idea what had happened but was certain she broke her nose. I left the middle of practice in a rush for the trainer's office, unsure of what I would find when I got there. As I turned the corner I could see her through the office window, there she was, my best friend, leaning over a sink, all by herself. I pushed the heavy door open and went in to comfort her. She lifted her head and in her hand she held a t-shirt completely soaked and stained with dark red blood. In shock I asked her what had happened. Kelly smiled and proceeded to tell me how during batting practice she stuck the bat out to bunt and when the softball hit the bat, it bounced up into the bridge of her nose. She was so proud.

2009-04-13T16:52:00.001-07:00

Looking Forward to May Flowers

2009-04-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have found me out of my comfort zone. Without the routines and challenges of my previous job I have resulted to setting daily goals around job-searching and spending more time walking my dog, Lance, than ever before (which I know he appreciates). I miss the relationships I have built at Bath and Body Works, and I can't wait to get together with my Store Manager to find out everything that has been going on. I must say I am looking forward to the trials a new career will bring and also the days when I am not so cold while walking Lance. I am even looking ahead to those 'April showers' (I thought they would have been hear by now). Until then.......